(( LUZ ))
(( LUZ ))
gosh! I can’;t believe it’s been almost 10 days since I last posted in here..
I’m just here watching some video classes and thinking about stuff..
am I enjoying my present time?
Hum. I guess so.. I mean, I cannot complain about my present situation..
I am studying, I am blessed to have the tools to make my work and studies easier and I have some finnancial suppport for what I need…
Even though everything is working just fine, I can’t wait for next year.. I can’t wait the day I’ll donate alll those books.. the daay I look for a flat to live in .. and the day I ‘ll loop up for a job close to where I’ll live. I want LOTS of changes for next year.. cause this one is being a foundation year.. I’vre been learning a lot about myself and the world..
not mad anymore.. huahauha
.. oh man!! I’m gonna be SOOOOO relieved after passing on my teste!!
It gonna be AWESOME!!! can’t wait for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve been extremelly irritaded and mad and that sucks!!!!
I might be angry at the wrong person, but theré’s nothing to do with it. It’s not her fault.. well.. not directly, but she has allowed all those wrong thing over these years…. and that’s unaceptable!
I don’t likr to feel this way, but I don’t know if I can actually feel different from that, while seeing so many wrong things! I don’t feel like smiling in this house.. neither pretending that everything is ok.
I’m confused….. again! a little afraid….
everything is going to be fine.
I don’t really know how I’m feeling right now.. It’s a mix of confusingness and weirdness.
I fell bad when thing around me are not working quite well, specially when I do not have the control over them.
I really wished everything was different in some way, but I also know that everyone has its own choices and paths to follow. It hurts me seeing my mom the way she is now, and how she is suffering from things she is not guilty. Well, at least not directly guilty for it!
I’ve been also seeing this world trhough a different perspective.. which is affecting me in some way.
Oh gosh! It’s already 10:24 PM !
That’s crazy!! What I’ve done today?!?!?
Hum.. not that much if I talk about academic stuff, but I’ve got to understand some stuff spiritually speaking… and that made me think more deeply about some things.
You know what?!
I have to get my butt off this chair.. huahau and I’m serious! I’ve been thinking too much about everything and not acting on what I want to do. It has to change!!
I would find this life so meaningless if it ended all here…
it would make no sense at all.. there’s continuation in all of that!
Sometimes I just don’t understand why everything is the way it is.. there’s times where I want to change SO many situations! I want everybody that I love to have a good life.. a life with joy and hope…… people are so hopeless nowadays….. It is so hard for me to walk on the streets of my town! There’s so many people struggling to so many things.. I know there’s a reson for all of this.. but it’s hard! I can’t imagine the life of those who ‘don’t even have where to live and eat… it’s just too hard..
I also get a little upset when I stop to think about my mom’s life and how hard it was.. she has always given too much of her for everybody and everything.. u know?!? she’s been living to raise her children and that’s all.. se didn’t really have a real life for herself.. to have some joy…
It hurts me ‘cause I think she deserves the best things life can bring….
and it hurts me even more when she’s hopeless about things and deposits all her believes on “magic”. I’m not saying that’s wrong.. I just think she has to also to make things happen.. and stand up for herself..
I don’t agree with her when she says that we remain sleepin in God when we die… I just can’t accept it!!! We have this life to make a difference and make things happen… and we keep on doing it for n times!Everything is connected and there’s a reason for all of this. I so want to learn more about these things… Í was always into those subjects since I can remember..
I do understand my brother’s side, even though I do not agree to some of it.. I also know it is not easy for him.. but makes me angry when I see him treting people as he does! It’s just no fair!!!
I hate unjustice.. and that is what we more have in this world… It’s desgusting how people acts …… so many wrong things going on…
why we are living all that? so many lives being distroyed for NOTHING….
it makes me nuts!
I’ll never go against my values and believes, even though my carreer is going to be a little “coorporative” .. I just want to have a good life and have some influence in order to make something happen..
I would love to have a mentor to guide me trhough that… even though I can say I have some .. considering my everyday readings and researches
Now I’m babling… as usual!
this trip is going to be good! i can just feel it…. it gonna be worthy.
oh man! I’ve just found some really good stuff to learn math!!!
i’m so excited!!!
I’m on vacatiooon! \o/
Well, that’s not actually true, since I’ll work even harder while on vacation, ‘cause I have tons of things to study.. specially when it comes to Math, Physics and Chemistry.
I didn’t have a GPR section today, so then I went to a bakery nearby… there was a reeeeally cute guy there.. gosh!! too cute! He was a little full of himself, though.
Áfter that I bought some strawberries.. nham!! very good!
Now I’m here watching TEDS. I’m happy I can watch the whole thing now.
An old proverb says, “He that cannot ask cannot live”. If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 75 questions you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and over the course of your life.
1. Why not me?
People are just different..
2. Am I nice?
Yes, I am. I am very nice actually, tending to be a little selfless sometimes. I’m learning how to be nice in the right portion, though.
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
Yes and no.
Yes because I’m currently doing what I have planned like: study, reading, having some quiet time, enjoying my life in my home country..
On the other side, no.. because, well.. first, there’s lots of other things that I would love to be managing to do, and I’m not.. I would also love to be living in the US, but coudn’t do that by that time..
I wold say that I am happy with I have right now, and that I’m working to have the resourses to do everything I want to do that I’m still not doing.
I could be doing a lot more, for sure.. but I’ll work on that!
I need more disciplne.. that’s what I need.
4. What am I grateful for?
I am grateful for SO many things.. It would be nearly impossible to list everything.. but I can try it:
I am very grateful for my life, family and friends… I’m grateful for my health and the health of all the ones that I love.
I’m grateful for everything that my mom has done for me.. I am grateful for everything that I’ve lived in the US and all the ones who made part of that experience and still makes part of my life..
I’m grateful for my house and all the resourses I can cont on..
I’m grateful for who I am and all the things I’ve been doing and learning to be a better one.. I’m grateful to the one who have inspired me in some way..
I’m grateful for everything that I have and am in this life..
5. What’s missing in my life?
Right now, I can say that I miss some discipline…
Sometimes I miss that some stuff are not quite as I wished it could be, but on the other side I’m aware of my role as a daughter, student, worker and citizen.
In a deeper level, I miss some sorta of real connection with something in this world..
6. Am I honest?
Yes I am. At least, fior most of the time I am..
I know sometimes I am not too honest with myself, and try not to listen to my “second” voices…
But in overall I am honest.
I am also very honest when it comes to this “physical” world.
7. Do I listen to others?
I am very open to any kind of opinion or criticism . I’m actually more of a listener than a talker!
8. Do I work hard?
I can be very hard on me..
I’m very hard-working but I have to say that I’m not doing 100% of me right now.. I’m working on that, though.
9. Do I help others?
I love helping people.. I’m always available to help, motivate and encourage people. Thet’s actually something that I want to do in life.. help and inspire people in some level.
10. What do I need to change about myself?
As I’ve said, I need to be more disciplined .. I need to manage my time and do some good things for myself and others. Right now, I have lots of plans, but I have to act upon them.
11. Have I hurt others?
Sometimes I can a little “plain” about things and situations while everybody gets emotional. I do not get hurt easily, and sometimes I forget that is just me, and not everyone else.
I do not hurt people on purpose, and haven’t done it directly.
I do feel bad for one thing, though.. but I’m not doing it anymore.
I used to be mean to my mom.. well, you know.. those teenagers are a pain in the but!
I have changed it tough.. specially after living 2 years far from home and having to deal with so many uncomfortable situations. I value my mom a lot more… and now I know that having to hold a house is not easy at all.. I aprreciate her a lot more!!! — I wish I could say it to her.. I just can’t say it for here.. don’t now why… I’m just not that intimate to her, or to my siblings.. I have a distant relashionship with them,.. even though we all respect each other.
12. Do I complain?
Not at al times.
I do not act as a victim of my life, I do take responsability for everything in my life…. BUUUUT sometimes I caught myself thinking about how things COULD be easier.. which is lame.. I always try to cut it out , though.
13. What’s next for me?
I feel that good things are coming to me! I’m pretty sure, actually.
14. Do I have fun?
I have fun in my very own way.. some could say I’m boring.. but.. not for me, folks.. haha
I can get very happy while doing nothing on the internet or walking towards downtown thinking about random things..
I have to see my friends more often , though…
15. Have I seized opportunities?
Yes, not at all times..
Sometimes I think TOO much, and sometimes I don’t even think..
Oh well.. I need a balence for the right time, in order to get the RIGHT opportunity.
Even though I’m not the type who waits for the opportunity to come.. I very often create them ..
16. Do I care about others?
Yes, I do. I absolutely hate unfairness .. unjustice..
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
Nope. I’m also not that close to them, which is bad.
18. Am I open-minded?
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
Only a little fraction of it — which I’m proud of myself by doing it.
I really want (and will) see and understand more of this world.
20. Do I judge others?
I’m very flexible.. I can see the other’s side very often, but well.. I’m human.. sure I judge people.
21. Do I take risks?
Yes, I do.
22. What is my purpose?
Purpouse of life?
Well, I guess we are all trying to figure it out everyday.
I want to make this life a worthy one.. I want to exerce a positive influence on others and somehow make this a better world. It really sounds corny, but it’s true..
I also want to improve myself and elevate my soul.
23. What is my biggest fear?
Right now? I guess my biggest fear right now is to fail on everything Í’ve been pursuing… not get what I want in life.. have a miserable existence not exercing any positive influence on this world.
24. How can I conquer that fear?
I can conquer that fear by believing myself, having discipline and making things happen… by not being a victim of the situation and by not waiting for things to happen.
Make it happen — my motto.
25. Do I thank people enough?
I wish I could thank my mom and family more. I would fell “funny” by doing it.
I do not feel it while thanking other people, though… just because they don’t know me that well. — which is very contraditory.
I would feel very unconfortable by showing my mellow and sweet side to my family.. but am I trying to deceive?
26. Am I successful?
Yes, I am.. ‘cause I’m not afraid of putting myself out there in order to experience new situations.
27. What am I ashamed of?
I cannot actually remember of any big thing I should be ashamed of.. buuuut.. well.. sometimes I’m ashamed of little stupid things,however, not because I should be ashamed of them.. but because I start wonder of what other people are thinking about it. Which is a shame, actually… ‘cause we shouldn’t worry about what the others are thinking…
I’m trying to learn it, though.
28. Do I annoy others?
I cannot answer for others, but I really think I do not annoy others, specially ‘cause I’m very introspective.
29. What are my dreams?
30. Am I positive?
31. Am I negative?
32. Is there an afterlife?
33. Does everything happen for a reason?
34. What can I do to change the world?
35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?
36. Am I cheap?
37. Am I greedy?
38. Who do I love?
39. Who do I want to meet?
40. Where do I want to go?
41. What am I most proud of?
42. Do I care what others think about me?
43. What are my talents?
44. Do I utilize those talents?
45. What makes me happy?
46. What makes me sad?
47. What makes me angry?
48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
49. Am I healthy?
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
51. What was the easiest time in my life?
52. Am I selfish?
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
55. Do I procrastinate?
56. What is my greatest regret?
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
59. Do I stand up for myself?
60. Have I settled for mediocrity?
61. Do I hold grudges?
62. Do I read enough?
63. Do I listen to my heart?
64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?
65. Do I pray only when I want something?
66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
68. Do I forgive myself?
69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
71. Do I smile more than I frown?
72. Do I surround myself with good people?
73. Do I take time out for myself?
74. Do I ask enough questions?
75. What other questions do I have?
Today is a holiday. I don’t know much about it, but I’m sure I’m about to get into that subject.
It’s ridiculous how lame I was about history and geography. Well.. I’m still am, I mean, I have lots of things to catch up, but I’m a WAY better than I used to be. Yeah, life is like that.
I haven’t done that much today, but it was ok.
I’ve been struggling a little bit on my kumon course, but i know it going to lead me to a better path! ;)
8+6 = 13
7+4 = 11
8+7 = 15
3+8 = 11
6+7 = 13
ohh well.. hahahahah
Oh man.. now I know why I had so many confusioness in my head last year.. i was not even for two weeks in LA and I was already complaining about it.
That’s why I had such a tough year. However, I have to admit that I had learned tons of things while there, but it was not fun for most of the time.
It’s still confusing, actually. Because it has two completely different sides. In one side I had THE learning experience of my life, on the other side, it was the hardest time of my life… ‘cause the one thing that I most value was supressed: space.
I know I’m being a little radical about this, but it just bothers me to read how I was feeling by that time.
It’s gone, though.. and know I have to deal with the memories that are fading away… I miss it, tough.. not the whole thing, but some fragments, like.. the crazyness of Robin, the sweetness and joy of Rebecca, cora.. who is the cutest evil dog.
Anyway.. I have to say that I have grown a lot as a person.. I was confronted to my weaknesses and i made me to think more deeply about it and its consequences.
It was worthy… that’s all I have to say.